The Very Dull Daglish Website

The laws of gravity, well accepted as they are, are continually being questioned as the cosmologists delve further and further into the secrets of the universe. The same is true of many other of our so called laws of nature. No question however has ever been raised about the validity of Murphy's Law. Even an apparently successful attempt to falsify it can be seen as a proof of the second law and so on and so on. 

With the closeness of Murphy's Law to absolute truth in mind this compilation is published to shed a little more light on the universe and add a little more confusion to nature.

This collection has been made over the years by me. Please feel free to reproduce it in the spirit in which it is now published which is to say freely and without charge but an acknowlegement of the source would be much appreciated.

Suggestions for additions and improvements will be welcomed

1. If anything can go wrong it will.
2. Attempts to demonstrate Murphy's law will always fail.
3. Things will always go wrong at the least convenient time.
4. The likelihood of a failure is inversely proportional to the degree of preparation for its occurrence.
5. Everything will go wrong at the same time, unless this makes for convenience.
6. Left to themselves things will always go from bad to worse.
7. Nature will always side with the hidden flaw.
8. If one of several things can go wrong then the most likely is the one that will cause the most damage.
9. There is always a constant which when applied correctly can change the universe so that it fits the theory.
10. All projects will take longer and cost more.
11. Given a problem containing n equations there will always be n+1 unknowns.
12. When all the possibilities have been exhausted there will always be a simple solution obvious to everyone else.
13. If a piece of equipment needs n components to function correctly then there will n-1 components held in stock.
14. Failure of equipment will occur a short but finite time after the expiry of the guarantee.
15. The race is not always to the swift or the battle to the strong, but that is where the smart money goes.
16. Correct scientific reasoning can always show that the computer is to blame.
17. The funding rule, whoever controls the funds makes the rules.
18. Standardised parts are not, interchangeable parts will not.
19. High value equipment will always protect a fuse by blowing first.
20. Correct answers can always be obtained by asking the right questions.
21. Age and cunning will always defeat youthful enthusiasm.
22. The first 90% of a task takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90%.
23. Good ideas are obsolete before they can be implemented.
24. All life is 6 to 4 against.
25. 93% of everything is crud.
26. False reasoning can always be traced to those assumptions whose correctness is obviously beyond question.
27. If everything is going right then something has been overlooked.
28. Nothing is foolproof due to the ingenuity of fools.
29. If the observations are reproducible then the wrong result has been obtained.
30. Physical constants vary according to need.
31. It can be shown that living is detrimental to health.
32. All things are relative but some are more relative than others.
33. To err is human, to foul things up completely takes a computer.
34. There is always time to do it again but there is never time to do it properly in the first place.
35. Computers are wrong to more decimal places than human beings.
36. Statistics make it possible to make reasonable statements about unreasonable events.
37. The complexity of jargon is directly proportional to the simplicity of the subject.
38. All observations on the human condition must include an allowance for advertising executives.
39. The correctness of any theory of life, the universe and everything else varies directly with the amount of alcohol consumed during its formulation.
40. When no other course of action is possible, read the instructions.
41. Where critical observations are required then any carefully constrained system will do exactly as it pleases.
42. All attempts at humour involving a computer will fail.
43. The only suckers who deserve an even break are those who control the funding.
44. Design a system that a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
45. Failure will always occur in the least accessible component (except where no repair or replacement is possible).
46. The shortest definable interval of time is the time period between switching off the computer and realising that you have not saved the file.
47. Service and instruction manuals will never correspond exactly with the actual equipment that you have.
48. All warranties are rendered void by the actual use of the equipment in question.
49. Identical pieces of equipment will always fail in an identical manner.
50. Physical laws hold true for all the known universe except for the singularity surrounding any person attempting, or contemplating attempting their application.
51. The other queue always goes faster, until you change queues.
52. If it happens it must be possible.
53. Any tool dropped whilst repairing equipment will always roll to the exact geometric centre of the equipment.
54. All forecasts of future events are wrong, it is only when, how and by how much that varies.
55. No machine must be allowed to understand that a job is urgent.
56. All cables fitted to electrical equipment will be a small, but finite, amount short.
57. Critical events will only occur while the attention is distracted and when no record is being made.
58. All software contains one more bug.

This is the personal website of Ann and Alan Daglish